ramblings

a bunch of stuff that i never talk about because they make me uncomfortable.


i miss my mom. i feel like i was a bad daughter, especially the last few months of her life. i wish i would have spent more time with her. it does annoy me when people complain about their moms and treat them horribly. i saw this in a PostSecret book once: "I smile sweetly and pretend to sympathize with my friends who are always fighting with their mothers.  I would give my left arm just to have my mother alive to fight with." yeah. sometimes i get jealous when i see girls hugging their dad. i wish my dad would hug me. i don't fully understand the concept of God being a father, but i hope i do someday. when i was a little girl, i was hurt by someone very close to me. i didn't remember it until i was 15. the person who hurt me is dead, and i miss him. sometimes i feel like i'm being overly dramatic about the whole thing. i told three people about it and none of them seemed to care. i miss charles. i probably shouldn't, but i do. at first i was glad that he moved to michigan because even if i was tempted to go back to him, i couldn't. now i wish he would come back, even if its just so i could say goodbye. im talking to him on myspace right now actually, and im more excited than i should be.UGHGHGHGHGHGHG i need more self control!